


Drunk in Love

by mushroomless



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, One Shot, as established as a enemies (friends?) with benefits can get, drunk zoro, the title is as ridiculous as them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29357850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushroomless/pseuds/mushroomless
Summary: A drinking competition. A drunk Zoro being taken care of by a Sanji that did not ask for it. Two emotionally constipated idiots in love.How can that get wrong?
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 5
Kudos: 86





	Drunk in Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, hope you all are healthy and safe!
> 
> This was my first fanfic after a looong ass time and, on top of that, it’s my first one written in english, so if you spot any mistake, please tell me.
> 
> The plot was inspired by this precious official art: https://64.media.tumblr.com/5ba9bc6a58c96dfc1727bb8f0c326361/0ec4ca88703e2f02-c0/s540x810/61d0b4fd5c7528bc361468cbc0ec26212fe2d1c5.jpg
> 
> Enjoy <3

If Sanji were to praise - under forced circumstances - the mosshead, it would be regarding his insane alcohol tolerance. It’s a known fact that the guy could drink for an entire table on a wednesday afternoon and still be able to go over his excessive workouts without even getting dizzy. As a restaurant chef and having encountered countless drunkers in his lifetime, he could only admit that no one was ever able to beat the brute when it came to his booze. 

Although, if Sanji were to ever fear for the guy’s liver - that was somehow still working up until this day -, it would be right at this moment, when the owner of the probably-rotten-barely-holding-it organ was being almost dragged by the cook throughout the city after spending the entire night having a drinking competition with an old man with an enormous beer belly that looked oddly like one of those mob bosses of a hollywood movie - that impression was likely caused because of the group of men following him like a bunch of minions. 

One could say that the challenge, proposed by the old man after identifying a valuable opponent, had a high chance of being a scam, but the thing is that no prizes were on the line and nothing was being bet, except for the fragile egos of two stupid turds… though Sanji didn’t have the right to condemn neither of them, being himself extremely competitive and a big sore loser.

Instead of protesting against the dumbass idea like some of the others, aka gorgeous Nami and wise Chopper, he could only watch them shoving down countless amounts of alcohol while occasionally shouting at the mosshead for him being too close to losing - not that he wanted him to win, you see, but losing would be a disgrace for his group of friends and he couldn’t tolerate that shit.

And now, many hours and empty bottles later, Sanji was the one dealing with a drunk Zoro, the task having been thrown at him by those fuckers he calls his friends as if he was the only obvious choice for the job. 

As a matter of fact, he had seen the other being a little bit tipsy before; however, those were very rare and only identified by very careful eyes… _ahem_ , whatever the hell that implies. The current situation, on the other hand, was something Sanji would never have expected to deal with. From a stranger's perspective, it seemed that the whole thing was insignificant, since the drunk man was showing no unusual behavior aside from his slight blush and the fact that he became almost a dead - and _very_ heavy - weight. But the deal was that no one was ever able to even phantom a drunk Zoro, so the whole situation was already very distressful, even if nothing extreme have happened so far.

And don’t get me wrong, Sanji was no weak man, quite the opposite. He was proud of his physical capacities that easily surpassed the average young man - although he spent most of his time in front of an oven -, yet even him was having a hard time carrying most of the wasted man’s weight. 

It was taking an awfully long time for them to cross the park they were currently at and reach the subway station, having to stop every few meters to adjust the other's arm over his shoulder and his own that was covering Zoro’s waist. His demanding and occasionally derogatory comments also didn’t seem to be doing any good. Actually, it seemed that they weren’t reaching him at all. 

Even so, he couldn’t help himself from uttering for the hundredth time, “ _Hey, bastard! At least make the effort to move your damn feet,_ ” to which he once again received no response. At that point, he could just declare him dead, discard his body in the nearest bush and go on with his day. 

And he was _very_ close to doing so, when the first sound got out of the guy’s mouth. It was an awful gagging noise that almost made Sanji drop him on the ground in a quick attempt to avoid getting in the way of his puke. Gladly, though, the cook managed to reach, with his heaven sent gorgeous legs, the closest trash bin just in time for the other to spill his stomach’s content.

“ _Arg, Zoro! What the fuck, you could have said something! I almost got your fucking dinner on my pants_ ,” he protested.

To his surprise, a rough “ _My bad_ ” was groaned, as if the man had just managed to get back to life with his body’s last attempt to survive. 

Sanji, then, replied, “ _Tch, alright, let’s sit down for a bit,_ ” while leading Zoro to the nearest bench.

Half being careful and half letting go of the wasted man’s body as he would do to a potato sack, Sanji proceeded to sit Zoro down on the seat and join his side. The mosshead groaned, but showed no sign of throwing up again, for which the cook was very much thankful for.

“ _Where are we?,_ ” the drunk man asked, only to get the annoyed answer, “ _We, or should I say ‘I’, are at the park trying to reach the fucking subway station, but your drunk ass is not fucking helping_.”

The cook received an unbothered _hm_ , followed by a brief silence. Zoro was looking like he was both slowly recovering and finally losing his shit, as he slouched down deeper on the bench and said, “ _Here is nice. The weather is nice_ ,” while closing his eyes and acting as if he were on a beach during a vacation or an old man letting out his last words. " _Hey, don’t die on me_ ," the blonde requested.

Sanji had to admit that he was a bit troubled by the image and pondered if it was best to either give the mosshead time to collect himself or to just drag him through the last few meters left. His inner monologue, however, didn’t last long, having been cut off when the other uttered after opening his eyes and briefly looking around, “ _That spot…_ ”

Sanji took his eyes to the place Zoro was referring to - a slightly reserved lawn protected by three big trees -, and before his brain could make any connections, he heard “ _We almost fucked there a few months ago._ ” 

The cook, who had to quickly recompose himself to avoid choking on his own spit for being completely thrown off guard by the unexpected remark, frantically looked around for any soul that might have heard that obnoxious comment. 

Thankfully enough, they were the only ones around… but what else could he expect? Although it was the early hours of a Saturday morning in a crowded big city, no one in their right minds would be there at that time. Either way, he could never be too careful, considering that not even ghosts were supposed to know about the true... nature of his relationship with the mosshead.

While he was having his minor mental breakdown, Zoro, on the other hand, proceeded to calmly place his hand on the cook’s nape and pull him in order to make the other’s lips almost meet his own halfway before proposing “ _L_ _et’s try doing that again._ ” 

The action was, though, interrupted by Sanji, who, with a panicked expression, reacted by rapidly putting his hand over the drunk man’s mouth and groaning the rhetorical question, “ _Arg, what the fu- you bastard! What are you trying to do_?!” 

The mosshead, then, attempted to take off the hand; however, after not having success with his fumbling tries, he resigned and bluntly said, as if it was not obvious enough, “ _I hm trymph to kiss yomph._ ”

_“Hell no! You just fucking puked!,_ ” the cook argued, but was met with the lazy protest of the drunk man, who managed to free his mouth and whisper “ _What about it?_ ” at the same time as he once again aimed for the other’s lips; only to receive the answer “ _Not in a million years I would kiss that nasty ass mouth,”_ and be pushed away by the blonde’s hand that was not being held by him.

Being kept away from the other, Zoro gave up briefly after that, slouching back on the bench, and said nonchalantly, “ _I wouldn’t mind kissing your nasty mouth,”_ his lazy gaze locked on the blue eyes.

If it was an endearing or cringey comment, one could not determine it. Likewise, the reason behind Sanji’s sudden blush also could not be perfectly placed. Furthermore, the latter, who was once again taken completely off guard, proceeded to cover his eyes with his free hand in a either tired or embarrassed manner while letting out, “ _Seriously, sometimes you say the most..._ ,” before stopping himself. 

Nonetheless, the drunk man, without any previous notice and probably oblivious to Sanji’s reaction, brought the blonde’s hand being held by him up to his mouth and gently kissed his palm with closed eyes; a gesture made with the ease of a familiar touch which ended up aggravating even more the reddish tone of the other’s cheeks.

Following that, without anything else being said, a few minutes passed by, both men sitting quietly and looking at the landscape while holding hands. Sanji was actively avoiding the drunk man’s face until he carefully placed his eyes on him and realized how close the other man was to drifting to sleep. 

The blonde soon decided, then, that it was time to continue their previous endeavour. 

“ _Hey, Zoro,_ ” he called his attention while standing up and giving a gentle tug with his hand that was linked with the mosshead’s one. “ _We need to go. I’m not willing to carry you, so wake up._ ” 

After vainly protesting, the young man, who seemed to be drowsy rather than drunk, groggily standed up and proceeded to be led by his hand.

***

  
  
  
  


Sanji had really thought that his burden was over when fifteen minutes later the odd pair finally settled down on the metro’s seat, side by side, both drained out of energy. 

The place was calm and quiet, aside from the usual sounds of the machinery, which helped the cook to start feeling sleepy, his physical efforts of the day showing signs on his body at last.

The wagon they were on was luckily only occupied by three other people, all of them too busy with their own business to notice when the green haired guy placed a small kiss on the blonde’s neck when the latter was distracted. 

Blood instantly flushed through Sanji’s face and his surprised and slightly panicked eyes were laid on the man beside him, the blue sapphires beaming with the promise of retaliation if the mosshead were to dare try doing anything else. 

The cook, then, hissed in a low voice,“ _There are people here, moron! Aren’t you tired?! You were almost dead just a few minutes ago_ ,” to which the other responded,“ _Why did you reject my ideia? At that day we didn’t do it at the park because there were too many people around, but today it was only us, just the perfect moment to-_ ” 

His sentence was shortly cut off by an aggressive and desperate _shhh_ being directed at him.

Although it seemed like it was no big deal, Sanji couldn’t believe how Zoro was acting. The mosshead was no near a prude or a timid person - quite the opposite, if the truth was to be spilled -, but under normal circumstances he would have never _ever_ brought up that sort of thing in a public space with people around.

As a matter of fact, the man was more prone to PDA than Sanji; however, they both shared an intense fear of being discovered by their acquaintances, so everything related to their relationship - if it could even be called that…. _they_ didn’t even know how to name it - was to be kept a secret. 

Moreover, on top of being too careless, the green haired man was acting strangely… childish; as when, after being once again rejected, he fucking _pouted_ and said grumpily “ _Guess you don’t really want it,”_ while placing his hand too high on one of the other’s legs.

_Who the fuck are you?!_ the cook thought in utter disbelief and mild disgust.

If this were to happen in any other circumstances, Sanji would find it funny - and definitely would use it as blackmail material -, and perhaps even endearing - though he wouldn’t admit that even with a knife pointed at him.

But in that context… that shit was disturbing, to say the least. Thank god he was the only one of his group of friends witnessing it. He really fooled himself by believing that the man was done being drunk.

Sanji eventually collected himself and grabbed Zoro's hand in order to prevent it from doing any obscene and illegal act. “ _Zoro... go to sleep, you are out of your mind,_ ” he said and proceeded to put the other’s head on his own shoulder in an effort to appease him.

Being tired, the mosshead let the blonde maneuver his head and stayed quiet. Instants later, however, Zoro bolted on his seat and quickly bent his torso to his front, his hand going to his mouth. 

“ _Aarg, hold it in, Zoro!,_ ” the cook pleaded while trying to avoid the other’s mouth direction.

The sick man remained still in place for long seconds, obviously fighting his gagging reflexes. 

After the initial - dramatic - reaction, Sanji took pity on him and placed a hand on Zoro’s back, rubbing it with gentle movements. “ _We are almost arriving, hold it there,_ ” the cook assured. 

When his body calmed down, the poor guy slouched back on his seat and placed his head on the same spot it was previously on, fitting perfectly into the crook of the blonde’s neck while the other said, “ _Alright, alright_ ,” and patted his leg.

Nevertheless, it was to the cook’s disgrace that seconds later he suddenly vomited everything he was holding in on Sanji’s jeans. 

And it was at that moment that Zoro was a murder away from appearing on the next news headline.

***

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was almost noon when Sanji tiredly plugged in his keys and opened the door of his apartment, being welcomed by the view of his living room and kitchen and of a mosshead seated down on the table, eating a late breakfast.

Only a few hours earlier had they arrived at the blonde’s place, Zoro being basically unconscious and Sanji very pissed that his favorite jeans were ruined by a bastard’s bad life decisions.

The cook grumpily and efficiently cleaned them out and placed a hopefully dead brute on his bed, going to sleep right after that. When he woke up from the unfulfilling rest, he just prepared a quick meal and headed out. 

And now, after dropping his wallet and keys on top of one of his furniture, he approached the table only to be greeted with a “ _Hey_ ” from a half naked Zoro with a soft bed hair that made the blonde’s fingers itch.

In response, Sanji uttered, “ _Hey my ass. How the hell are you still alive?_ ” and seated on the opposite chair with his legs crossed. Then, he proceeded to light up a cigarette, not giving a shit if it was going to spoil the other man’s breakfast - though Zoro was already used to that.

“ _Hm. Woke up with a headache,_ ” Zoro confessed without stopping eating.

“ _You are lucky to only have a headache, might as well check up your liver ‘cus it’s probably shutting down_.” The mosshead, however, brushed off the comment and, after a few seconds and bites, he asked, " _So, did I win?_ ”

Barely repressing a mocking laugh, the blonde provoked, " _You don’t remember?_ ”

Of course he didn’t remember, Zoro couldn’t recall for his life what he ate last week, even less so what he did while being completely wasted. 

Ignoring the pissed face being directed at him, he finally responded with a simple “ _Yeah,”_ which was shortly followed by an extremely smug face coming from the other. 

Zoro kept eating his meal with the manner of a fully satisfied man during the next few minutes, while the cook spent his time enjoying his cig and pretending not to look at the mosshead. 

The silence was then cut off by Sanji, who spoke playfully, “ _You are too proud for a man who said the most embarrassing stuff to me yesterday._ ” 

Even though he said that just to mess with the guy, he did not expect Zoro to rapidly raise his head from his plate and somewhat nervously ask with a red face, “ _What stuff?_ ”

His reaction throwed the cook off guard - those were happening quite often lately, as it seemed -, who was sure he now also had a slight blush on his cheeks. _What was up with that reaction?_ Sanji wondered to himself. 

He then tried very hard to control his own reaction and lied while faking a laugh, “ _Haha, what, do you have any dirty secrets?... Don’t worry, I’m joking, you didn’t do anything aside from puking on my jeans_.”

“ _Oh_ ,” the other uttered confused and shortly after finished with a honest “ _Sorry for your jeans, I will pay for them._ ”

That insufferable brute… being drunk or not, it was true that sometimes he would surprise Sanji with the most unexpected sweet things when they were alone, even if they were not done on purpose. 

As a matter of fact, the truth was that…. there were unspoken things between them. Things that they both knew the other part was also aware of, but couldn’t bring it to themselves to confirm it out loud. And that was all about feelings that strongily surpassed the supposly _just_ -fuck-buddies thing they had going on for over a year now. 

...But again, neither of them was willing to give the first step to change it, which only left them acting as the fools in love that everyone else around them knew they were (though they thought they were sneaky, the poor guys).

With all of that in mind, Sanji waited for the mosshead to finish his last bite and, putting out his cigarette, he reluctantly asked, “ _Did you brush your teeth after waking up?_ ” to which the other responded with an oblivious, “ _Yeah, why?_ ,” just to be surprised by the sudden movement of the cook, who got off his seat and reached for the green haired man’s nape across the table to quickly deliver a soft kiss on his lips.

The touch lasted only a few seconds, having been interrupted by the same man who started it. 

Sanji, then, avoiding his gaze, proceeded to stand straight and put his hand in his sweater’s pocket to take out a medicine wrapped in a plastic bag that was readily deposited on the table before he ordered, “ _Take this. I don’t want to have to deal with your dead body,_ ” and walked to the refrigerator that faced Zoro’s back.

Without saying anything else, the two men tried to collect themselves as they pretended their faces weren’t hot red. 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedbacks are welcome and very much appreciated ;)


End file.
